As much as i don't wanna make it a big deal, it's bothering me. I keep thinking about it. I keep feeling so pissed off about it. Idk if i made the right move by telling. Somehow, i felt relieved because finally this shit is off me. but on the other hand, i felt insecure. idk, it feels uneasy. the only option im left with is to trust. deep down, i really hope i don't regret telling. i wanna look forward to classes like i always do man. i don't wanna run away and skip lessons cause of shit reasons. damn man, this is frustrating. what do i do? makes me wanna tear.

Seriously laaaaa. Stop cursing me. Im trying my best to complete my homework on time and not go off the deadline and you're not making it easier for me. Really la. Don't cha want to give me a break?! A chance to let me breathe in fresh air?! haiyooo, fuckk la.

Heyya! So, today was the release of the O level results. Most that i know did bloody damn good. I really have to congragulate. Today, too, i received my D&T O level coursework. Hais, gonna have to start that beautiful struggle. Ya know, today's post gonna be a bit emotional cause i'm gonna write about something that i have kept for a very long time and keeping it to my self longer will make me go crazy!

Here we go.. Okay, YOU. MAKE. ME. HATE. YOU. TO. THE. DAMN. BLOODY. CORE. I thought you were strong enough to make your own decision. MAKE YOUR OWN WISEEEEE DECISION. But boooyah, you proved me wrong. You were bloody stupid. Dah ade boyf kan... Nak buat pe? Kawan campak tepi uh, ape lagi? You know, you were once a very nice girl i wished to be close with. I loved everything about you.. Your hair, your face, your body, your attitude, your everything. But, this love that i feel also makes me hate you to the core. Don't get me wrong. I'm straight. I just adore her. I loved the friendship we made. I give my love to the friendship. I will always try my best to be at your aid. But, it just seem that i'm the only one putting in the effort. While you, like, just shake leg. Little by little, i started not to care too much for you. I thought you would notice it and thus making the situation better. But, nah-uh. We started to drift apart more and more until i couldn't reach you. I'm utterly upset because it doesn't seem like you cherished the friendship we had like i did. Because i care for you too much, i really hate you now. Even though i hate the situation more and more, you still didn't care. Didn't call. Didn't text. It's like i'm a fool you know. I hate to be treated that way. Everytime i hear your name, my ears gets hot. You appear so good to the others but they actually it's the reverse. Now, i think that writing this post is a waste of space but i have to let it out. Now, all i wanna say is, I HATE YOU TO THE FUCKING CORE. I HATE YOU.

I think it's time i clean my rusty dirty blog. it's been a long time since i've updated.

Firstly, hello! (: today, school re-opens. had two periods of administration stuff and all. my form teacher is rather a fair lady who wants things really organised. and i must say i like her style. However, i am a new addition to the family of 5n1. today, i felt very lost. usually, i had my clique to sit by my side. now, i sit beside a new friend and it is a totally different environment. However 5n1 treats me well and i liked it. somehow, at times, i felt belonged. Anyways, we had P.E after that. and then it's recess. I only eat Egg sambal today because i was too lazy to queue as the queue was too long and i just hate it. i felt happy when i saw Alee. haha. i have no idea why. i guess i really missed him. Anyways, after recess was DNT. jeng jeng jeng!! i didn't hate DNT. i love that subject. i love the texting-ness. how i struggled to finish up the coursework on time. it was a beautiful struggle. Anyways, my teacher for DNT was rather, hmmmm, fierce? haha. i have no idea how to describe him. But, by far, he is the first teacher in 2011, who made me wake up and boooom! he made me realize that sec 5 isn't a joke. He started off by telling us our average L1R4 according to our N LEVEL results. And by my results, my L1R4 is 22. Can you believe it? 22?! where?! where in he world can i go? maybe poly. but, mostly i'll get the unpopular courses. well, that's the first thing that woke me up from my dreamy dream holiday mode. then, he made us reflect if going to sec 5 was a wise choice. then, he said that we should aim for a distinction. i remembered clearly that he said getting a grade - B3 is a pain in the ass. Because you're like so close a distinction yet you didn't get it. And the grade B3 really has a difference from the A2 or even A1. He also say, if you 'follow friend' to go to sec 5, you are digging your own grave. Which, when i taught about it for a long time, was true. Well, apart of that, the one thing that CLEARY CRYSTALLY can hear is that he said to me, "So, she leave you for her boyfriend." Maybe some of you may not understand what he said which left quite a deep impact of me. But, i still can hear him say it clearly. it like keep playing like a broken record. But, had really had to thank him for waking me up and for making me want to work hard for myself. Anyways, we had maths after that. Revised map scale and interest stuff. Kindda boring but i enjoy maths. Then, it was lunch. Teman kan jannah eat. And it was Geog. YAY! had mr tan for geography!! (: He was so funny that it made his lessons enjoyable. Then, we had maths afternoon programme. Gosh, this was where i got lost. We learnt a new topic and the teacher and students went to a speed that i couldn't catch up but alhamdulillah, i finished my work on time. It's time to work my ass off. It's now or never. O levels, here i come.

So much for graduation. Last kopek blah makan, jalan ngan mataer. kate graduation. tapi tinggalkan kawan. mataer pon mataer uh. tapi, pikir uh pasal org lain. suke ke tak? comfortable ke tak? kawan pon tetap kawan uh. and i know you realize it, but i didn't want to make an effort to move but judging by your face, i assume you too, couldn't be bothered. maybe yeah, in these years, i've done wrong. oh yes, i did. but you le? same what? so, why act so superior? i just want us like when everything was just fine. but, i don't think it's achieve-able. with your mataer around. i am not blaming them. you could've known me better. the things i like and the things i dislike. is this what you call graduation? huh? leaving your friend and go eat with bf? if it is, i should have known you better so i wouldn't get hurt.